A moment of your time....I need to share this story with you, along with this song.
Give or take 12 or so years ago, I existed in a deep, dark hole. My life just was NOT what I wanted it to be, or what I thought I deserved, and I had no idea if it was even possible to change it.
Having made the conscious decision to chase the 'American Dream', after trying music full time out in Vegas/California for a bit, I figured it was time to do 'what I was supposed to do." Be an adult. My brain found a sick comfort in this idea, and went on to throw lists of cliches at me every morning, as soon as my eyes opened.
- Get your life together. - You're not getting any younger. - Music is a young person's game. - You aren't 21 anymore, no one cares about your stupid songs. - Dad quit music to raise his family, you aren't even married. - Getting signed is the only way to do anything in this business, and no one's gonna sign you. - Grow up. Get your Masters. Get a real job. - Music is such a hard business. Just make it a hobby, and go get a job that pays you.
I tortured myself every day with these misinformed thoughts, and sunk into a deep, dark depression. Outwardly, I was passionate and committed to 'success', and went on to get a good job where I worked hard, made friends, and everything seemed to be 'coming together' for me.
But one morning, at my desk, I began staring at my 'inspirational quotes' calendar tacked onto my burlap cubicle wall for hours. It was a rainy day in October.
For some reason, I couldn't take my eyes off that calendar. My eyes were locked. I'd pull them away, and they'd pull right back. Not to the inspirational quote, but the month.
And my cover was blown. My lie was exposed. The very word "October" sent me into a fiery tailspin.
'Another year is almost over. It's already October. The trees have all served their purpose this year, and are dead. What have you done? You have squandered not only this year, but the last few years wearing this bullshit mask to convince everyone else you are someone you are not. What a shame.
Maybe this is how it ends for you after all. '
In that moment I thought my whole existence was worthless, I offered nothing to anyone. I felt like every day was broken. I needed faith. Not only in the universe, but in myself that I could change it all.
This is NOT how my story ends. This is where it changes.
I went home that night and wrote this song (Originally titled 'October', but later realizing it was a little vague haha).
This is an orchestral remix we did, again with Anthony J. Resta out in Boston. And whew...I just...every time I stumble onto hearing this version, I think about how this 'remix' of the original version just captures every nuance of how I felt.
I remember that moment at work. And I am reminded about how far I've come.
Guys - every day isn't going to be good. But that doesn't mean that there isn't good in every day. Whatever you are struggling with right now. That's just RIGHT NOW. Allow yourself to believe you are OK. It just takes a hint of faith. But it comes from you. Faith isn't bestowed on us. It's a choice we make.
Thanks for your time, if you've made it this far. Hope you enjoy the song.